CONFIRMATION-THE SACRAMENT

I was 24 when I decided to proceed with my Sacrament of Confirmation. I had long to complete my Confirmation ever since I was engage to be married but never got to do it cause I was to afraid I would be to late or to old. If it was my choice, I'd prefer to attend a shorter duration RCIA class...........................that was then.

I saw an announcement in one of the church I attended randomly, about the RCIA class and I though it's now or never. The part I dreaded was that I had to attend the class for 1 year but I join anyway because of the urgency and that the class was on Thursday nights, meaning I would be free on Sundays.

I tried persuading my fiance to come join me but he said he wasn't ready yet. I was of course devastated to go to class alone but went anyway with a lazy heart. After enrolling a little later after the date of registration, I sat in class looking some sort interested.

Of course like any new class, there would be orientations. The class of less then 20 people introduce ourselves, and listen to one another. I was relieved to hear that I was not the only one attending just to get married and finding out they had a previous cathecument who joined in his late 80's. Gladly I felt my earlier insecurities vanished.

So in the beginning I tried to be attentively interested and amazingly my heart was captured by the real life experience of the facilitator themselves and others sharing the same faith. I was amazed by how some people can just leave the life they had before that was so ambitiously successful yet negatively showing in their attitudes like anger, drinking, drugs, cursing, revengeful, free sex and all the attitude presently influence by the world's way of living. In other words they had everything but they were invisibly empty. I had to find out why and how they did it. That was the start of my new life.

As you would know by now through by earlier blogs, I grew up between separated parents and love thirsty siblings. I was trap in a world of growing myself as a person and being parents to my brothers and sister. Sometimes I would suddenly burst out in tears wandering how I was going to fix this mess and sometimes without reason at all. I was lost, afraid and empty inside. Being born Catholics, I was thought the 3 basic prayers and I would use them all the time for comfort. Yet things I prayed and ask doesn't seem to be answered. So prayer became nothing just a dialogue with myself and I.

My eagerness for the answer grew from a tiny mustard seed. I began to listen attentively and absorbed every drop of knowledge that was shared. I wanted to be cured from my 'sickness' and I long to be love unconditionally. I found that in Jesus.

Days before my confirmation, I haven't even gone for confession. I was worried and nervous mostly cause it's been a while since my last confession. I lined up many times for confession but chicken out the last minute. The night before, I went to Sacred Heart Chapel praying for a priest to suddenly pop in and had sudden urge to give confession....well he never came. So I sat there sobbing and worrying what would become of me the next day. Disappointment came over me cause my preparation for confirmation was not complete.

Easter morning, I sat through rehearsal with a sense of fear and gloominess. Suddenly my prayed answered, the facilitator ask if there was anyone who haven't gone for confession that the priest was available. 2 of us stood up and we had our confession right that morning. After that I was relieved and ready.

Evening came. I sat through Easter Vigil praying and excited. My turn came for the anointing with the oil. As soon as the oil was rub on my forehead making the sign of the cross I felt a rush came over me...I had smile from ear to ear and felt like jumping. Quickly I went back to my seat with the feeling to dance and cheer. I hide my feelings to myself and poured them out during singing.....oh the feeling was phenomenal.

Ever since then, I feel closer to God then ever. My prayers now are more of a conversation with God then only to myself. I began to understand the route of my life. The things I always worry or though I should not have made that mistake before are clear to me. Most of my whys are answered and my hows are clear to me.

Although I may not be perfect, but I know when I need help, when I need guidance, when I am stuck in a rut, when I am feeling blue....I pray and He will definitely answer but in His own time and in His own way. Don't be discourage and don't give up just pray with all your heart and be patient.