Hard to say Goodbye

As a child you never thought life would be difficult. The word difficult does not even exists in your childhood vocabulary. It wasn't long when trouble came to our family.

My parents separated and remain separated until today. I was 12 then and my youngest sister was barely 2 years. I was so in denial in the beginning and did not understand what was going on. I remember thinking it was only a game my parents played to scare us or test us. How naive I was to think so.

At that time I have just continued my studies in a private school together with my other siblings. It was with the friends in the school that I knew separations and divorce was a common thing. I slowly swallowed the facts. Life made us 4 siblings closer.

Divided by sea, our mum now lives in Kuala Lumpur. Although its only a 2 and half hours flight away, its hard. Its hard to say hello when you know soon you will say good bye, its hard to enjoy the gifts and the meal when you know you will miss them dearly. Everything my mum gave even if it's the smallest or the least important I will keep them cause to me the gifts she gives reminds me of her and the time we should have been together.

We are bread in two different world, that's why we, the children, decided to live where we were brought up. The worst feeling I have is thinking of her all alone. She works like an ant, none stop, wakes up bright and early, comes home late and tired, repeat the whole process again the next day. She had to love what she does, cause it fills the loneliness inside of her. To know and understand what she feels inside is unbearable to me.

Never in a year we would not see each other cause she will find time to see us or to get us there. Every time she comes, we can't wait and every time she goes we dread the day. I was 12 when she first came to visit and cried terribly when she left. Now at 28, I still have the sadness and the tears but I don't cry so much, just tears gather in my eyes plus a sleepless night before she goes back to KL.

When the time comes.....and even thou I will see her again...it's hard to say goodbye....